Little Timmy Warshaw is one of the greatest young hackers of his time, this is common knowledge. At just 12 years old he hacked into the Pentagon and replaced all of the important government files with Mr. Beast videos. This resulted in Mr. Beast giving Timmy a lifetime supply of Mr. Beast burgers and a chance to star in one of his videos. Many were enraged yet impressed. Some say that he is a hero who is meant to overthrow the American government. Others think that he is a menace and a clout chaser.

Well, we're here to tell you that little Timmy has done it again! This time, it's something even more spectacular and grand than the Pentagon. Yes, that's right, little Timmy has... hacked into Heaven! We now have a line of communication with God thanks to Timmy Warshaw.

We know what all of you non-believers out there are saying; "God's not real. Heaven's not real. Blah blah." To that, we say: shut up. Get over yourselves. This proves that God is real (not that we need any proof).

Timmy hacked into Heaven last Tuesday at approximately 8 PM. He said that it was way easier than he was expecting. He told us in an interview that the hack allowed him to access God's email address. Timmy was shocked to find out that God still uses Hot Mail and told him that he should really consider switching to Gmail. God told Timmy that he couldn't tell him what to do and that he enjoys having a Hot Mail account.

We asked Timmy what else he had talked to God about. Maybe something about the meaning of life or The Rapture or even something scary like the anti-Christ. Timmy said that he hasn't gotten around to any questions like that yet. He said that instead, he asked God to tell him who was going to win the Super Bowl next year so he could know who to bet on. Then God told him that 14-year-olds can't gamble. Timmy begged God to lower the gambling age to 10 and God said "Yes, my child. Anything for my favorite." And now it is so. The gambling age in America will be lowered to 10 years old because God said so. Timmy also revealed that God did in fact tell him who would win the Super Bowl but that he was sworn to keep it a secret. We respect God's privacy and did not push for further questions.       

We then had to go back to that previous comment that God had made to Timmy, the one about him being God's favorite. We asked him "Shouldn't Jesus be his favorite?" Timmy said "Nope, I'm his favorite because I hacked into Heaven. Jesus could never do that. He's a lame-ass carpenter. I bet he doesn't even know how to use a computer!" We asked why God would be able to use a computer and Jesus wouldn't. Timmy replied "God knows everything. He knows how computers work." We can't argue with that.

That was all of the information that Timmy has for us as of now. We reached out to God for comment but, as of now, he has not replied. Be sure to subscribe to our newsletter so you don't miss any further developments on this story!